Of Grief

After the talk; prospects of loss,
death, and grief
Of life without

I sit in a garden

Looking for a four-leaf clover;
calming my storms
You stirred inside

Looking for Solace!

Have you ever felt like the skies came crashing onto you? Like everything just went haywire? Like everything that one had planned was splashed with water and now all the color, the ink, the plans are washed out? Like everything that ever mattered no more exists?

What does one do? How does one fix the skies? How to put the broken pieces up there again? What glue to use? Would the pieces stick to each other like before? Would the glue be strong enough to prevent it from falling again? Would this pain be just once in a lifetime experience? Could it be?

And on top of everything, there are these people called writers. Overtly emotional. Always on the verge of tears. Broken with the slightest touch and hurt by a pinprick. What do such people do? Where do they find their solace, their peace? Is there anything like peace for them?

Is there solace?

Adamant

So, when we shed tears we are removing the hormones that tend to make us sad.
We are built to vent things out, to let things go.

And yet we, a huge chunk of us, is adamant on keeping it all in. Bottling things up.
The very nature of us to go against the nature of us!

The Ease of Pointing a Finger

“What do you do this for
this seeking attention
what pleasure?”

The suddenness of the question
the stab, the pain
what had I done so wrong?

“You are passing signals
allowing their thoughts to go berserk
what fun arousing their imagination?”

I kept wondering
how wrong could a smile be
sharing a laugh in the tragedy of life!

I conjecture at the perceptions
how environments, upbringing work
the ease of raising a finger!

Don’t Give Up

The times when you so want to curl up and cry, to hide somewhere, run away from everyone….

The times when you feel like giving up, like everything is worthless, like nothing is working in the way desired…

The times when the world comes crashing, when the skies fall, when the earth bursts open, when even the closest ones leave your side…

The times when you lose the purpose of living, when nothing makes a sense, when even the next breath is a burden…

Don’t give up! Look up into your eyes, re-ignite that fire, visualize your purpose. There’s an answer to everything…

Else’s Beloved

It was easy calling one special.
A few words of appreciation.
Introduction.

It was easy to get through.
A naive heart.
Attachments

They all said love empowers.
How you yearn the beloved. Happy.
Distance never matters.

Did they not ask a yearning heart.
The pain, trauma.
Watching beloved associated with another.

The smiles they would share.
A life time together.
Why didn’t someone mention the pain?

The dull ache when you see beloved with someone else?
Happy. Oblivious to your pain?
Why?

 

Hypocrisy

Someone, somewhere, someday said,
“Treat people the way
you want to be treated as”

I wanted to be cared for,
affection, relation
Love!

I reciprocated the same
Giving away care and love
giving smiles away

Unlike the expectations
I got alligations
fingers pointing at me.

Called attention-seeking
and fake;
Someone to be condemned
To be steered away from

Somehow I let an allegation through
like a bullet shattered glass
blood, pain, tears; a mess

Now, I seek a mask
I seek Me!

 

Unspeakable

I sit on a glass table
some coffee, music

Plethora of thoughts,
a hurricane

I sit, with a pen, open
ready to pen down

a story, a poem, or…
some kind of solace

All I could see, in front –
a blank sheet stained with tears!

Blunder and Pain

They talked freedom
how they had had enough
Tyranny, Monarchy
sought an end

They start out, seeking
fighting their way through
somewhere religion creeps in
Blunder?

A line drawn on religion
supressing minority
threatening, depressing
Inhumanity?

Fleeing home,
protecting
bleak faith
Kashmiriyat stabbed?

Fear in eyes
Tears
Years going in vain
Exodus!

Along, people in procession
slogans booming
“Asi Gasi Pakistan,
Batav Ros Ti Batnev Saan!”

Restlessness

Breathing heavily
Dragging my feet along
running away…

Along, I carry a heavy heart
grieving
devastated

Plethora of emotions
I cry
my tears, prayers!

Bleak hope of forever
of belongingness
depth of an ocean

I try acquiring it all
a sky full of stars,
a dream glistering

I look back,
flashes
The essence of poetry

Though only a moment
it seems forever
a dream cherished, well lit!