Wondering…

Sometimes I wonder:

If the situation stayed
And I were replaced by her

Would you react the same?

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I Ain’t

“Your conversations, darling
mean a whole lot more
take another perspective
dig in a little more

There are signs, little diversions
indirect indications
things can get a little shady
don’t dig your own grave.”

I pondered, reflected, introspected
“How could words be so twisted;
communication misinterpreted
intentions turned topsy turvy”

Guilt, shame, utter pain
my eyes couldn’t have cried more
a blatant blame onto me
Flash floods!

Stepping back a little while later
recalling all I had said
the message I wanted to imply
my naivety!

I stand in front of a mirror
stare; peek into; ask questions
Guilty? At fault?
I get my answer.

No, I ain’t an attention seeker!

Don’t Give Up

The times when you so want to curl up and cry, to hide somewhere, run away from everyone….

The times when you feel like giving up, like everything is worthless, like nothing is working in the way desired…

The times when the world comes crashing, when the skies fall, when the earth bursts open, when even the closest ones leave your side…

The times when you lose the purpose of living, when nothing makes a sense, when even the next breath is a burden…

Don’t give up! Look up into your eyes, re-ignite that fire, visualize your purpose. There’s an answer to everything…

Replaced?

Everyone has phases in life. Childhood, school, tuitions, college … Every phase has different people associated with it. Different bonds, different relations. Expectations. Aspirations.

And somehow sharing a part of life turns insignificant when a new phase is introduced. Somehow everything associated with a phase is let go. Maybe to make a place for new things. Maybe it is an escape way… who knows!

The only remnant we let ourselves have is a piece of paper signifying the time we spent, toiling.

Why was it so difficult to give people some space in life? To give time to people we once so cherished? Who meant the world to us at some point of time. Are our schedules actually so busy? Do we care so less?

From another perspective, we hold images of people we have met. Some memories. Some traits. And over time we tend to idealise them. Maybe we are afraid we won’t find them the same once we reconnect. Maybe they refuse to recognise… Maybe the place we had in their lives has been replaced. Maybe we fear the change in them.

Maybe…

Where To?

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Where to?
I ask myself repeatedly
Oblivious to the destination
This road leads to

I walk endlessly, thinking
This would lead me somewhere
Then I ask myself again
Where to?

This is devastating
How I don’t know
It is like being granted a wish
And not knowing what to ask for, where to

I look ahead
Trying to decipher signs
I find none, am I that lost ?
I head along, not knowing where to!

Fear of Change

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When we are happy we often think of how long this would last. How far this will go. Would the dynamics of a relation change with time or it remains eternal.

These thoughts are often depressing. Making us apprehensive of future. Of things yet to come. Some may even turn possessive. Trying to resist the changes that might never happen at all. Are we all so afraid of losing a relation?

Is is actually a relation, a person we are afraid to lose? Or is it the change that would accompany the change? The loss of a comfort zone. The need of new interactions. The need to create a new space. A new comfort zone.

More often than not, we are afraid of the change. The effort we would have to put in once something changes. But why?

Are we apprehensive about our abilities too? Thinking we might not be able to do a thing again? Or do something in a better way? Or accomplish a new thing altogether?

Human potential is limitless. The limits we see are what we want to see, what we want to believe. Even if you tell yourself you have the capability to fly, it would. Never giving a damn about the presence or absence of wings.

 

 

 

 

 

Expectations

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When we talk about relations, of public dealings, we tend to expect. We expect people to be accommodating, or preferably perfect. Perfect not in literal sense but perfect as per our liking. My perfect might as well be disliked by all others.

But people don’t come as packages. They are no plastic models which we have to assemble. Where we can change or customise parts as per our liking. Choose the traits we like. Leave out the emotions we don’t want. If it were, life would have been easy.

But people and relations don’t work like that. They come as empty boxes rather than fully loaded packages. You have to put in your efforts to make everything work. To make these relations into what we want them to be. But who has that energy. And patience! I must be kidding.

We all are experts in expecting. Demanding things. Rights. Asking for adjustments and compromises. But how far do we flex to accommodate the other? How much do we compromise to make the other comfortable?

It is easy to ask for favours, adjustments, compromises. Equally difficult is to be the giver. The one who satisfies others’ needs. We all tend to be the asking hand. The one who needs but won’t bend for the other.

Rather than expecting perfect, compromises or whatever, we may as well work together to build a space equally comfortable.

 

Overthinking

Be what you are;¬† don’t feign the day
You are the best in your smiling way

You tend to think and over think
Let your brains rest for a blink

Reign your thoughts; don’t let them astray
Loose control and even mom would betray

Never remain idle, do what you can
Without proof never put another to blame

Mind what you say because words are sharp
They wound without drawing blood

Watch out what you are going for
Things allure; don’t give yourself away

Reason and find your own purpose
Don’t wake up without being curious

Seek knowledge where you can
World around is not so plain

Look for hope everywhere
There are people who hold you very dear!