What Does One Do?

What does one do when nothing he feels can find words?

When the agony and pain are filled up and find no outlet?

The sheer helplessness of not finding the right words, the right people, the circumstances!

What does one do? Where does one go to scream? How does one let out all this pain? This emotion? This helplessness?

What does one do?

He is a Human Too!

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Talking of home, peace
the beauty of my place
the calm,
Paradise

We somehow reach conflict
the tug-of-war
nobody ready to give in
the dilemma of rope!

I narrate how, every year
we lose sons to bullets
how, abruptly
our streets are painted red

How, out of blues
a pellet hits your eye
How, in an instant
the world turns black!

I explain the mass graves
AFSPA, PSA
Tufail, Zahid, Wamiq Farooq
their graves asking for crimes

Fake encounters, promotions
disappearances
Half-widows, orphans, posthumous
Machil!

Crackdowns, rapes, torture
Papa II, Mama II
Bullets, pellets
Teargas shells!

He asks, “Why are you silent
how can you bear someone
barging doors
killing beloved

Why don’t you retaliate
fight back
serve them as deserved
An eye for an eye!

How could talks help
why yearn for justice
why empty handed
missing rifle…

How could you just sit around
mumb over blood bath
does your blood not boil
Are you so weak at heart?”

How could I explain
I have closely seen pain, death
and when I kill
does his family not die like mine?

Desires

I was listening to someone
talking change
How your dreams, your why matters
How it all falls in place

I look around
people with money on mind
how they desire
banknotes!

I wonder, WHY?
was this motivation?
A session for searching self?
I find myself crying!

My heart is somewhere else
Somewhere weaving verses
listening to dreams
A literary paradise

I peek at this sea of people
craving security, finances
I feel lost
I belong elsewhere

I crave that music, verses
delicate, woven intricately
piercing one through and through
An aura of peace.

I want to cry my heart out
the devastation, heartbreak
I sit silent, pretending
lowered head, dilated eyes

A mere physical presence
My soul, peace somewhere else
The inability to freeze time
insanity of desiring forever!

 

Helpless!

Fondling her, caressing
Praying silently under my breath
Reminding myself, recalling
His mercy, His wisdom
I tell her how
He purifies us by pain
Tests the pious
With trials
Yet, I was speechless
When in her innocence, she asked
“What sins would He write off me
And why this trial?”
My helplessness couldn’t be more profound

Enclosed.

Yellow, red, bright blue
pollen didn’t cause her flu
running around, gardens found
it’s feet were not wounds bound
fragrance, air, so longed nacter
transferring pollens for all that matter

But meadows, gardens, all flowers
were all dreams, so farther
a glass wall separating her
she, bound in some ways
Her heart yearned for that butterfly
and she? enclosed within those four walls!

Tendencies

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I stood up there calming myself,
talking good, giving hope
Staring at a stray paper and wondering
death stared, cuddling!

At that point life seemed hard
consoling, drying my own tears
That low within said, ” Give up.
There is nothing left to live up”

Circumstances rendered a dagger fit
why not use it appropriate?
Why not cut self in two
end the heartsick period and life too?

A thousand reasons to cut and bleed;
to sip a potion of arsenic;
jump from eleven floors or come under a car
to survive, life was praying onto a star.

Sobbing, thinking, fighting a war
light flickering, overtaking dark…
it decided slamming gloom
for a day avoiding doom!

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Rage

A sudden, wild rage
something burning, as if caged
It caught me unaware,
shouting, crying and what not.
A strong force was in formation
and only growing by the passing time.
It felt like a monster
wrecking and breaking everything
Though I held the force,
it felt all so helpless.
Everything seemed so distant
Even I wasn’t me
And yes, monsters are real,
one lives within!