Kaash Ki Mai Likh Pata

Kaash ki mai likh paata

Yeh uljhan, udaasi, zindagi
Aakhir ha kya yeh sab?
Kyun, kuch bhi samjh nahi aata?
Kaash ki mai likh pata

Yeh dooston ke aaye din
naye chehre; naye jhagde
Yah duniya ke badalte rang
Kaash ki mai likh paata

Aasmanon ki tarah dil bhi dikhayi kyun nahi dete
Ki baadal hain, andhera hai,
chaand hai?
Kaash ki mai likh paata

Aur us doobte suraj ki manind
Yeh dil agle din, phir ubhar kyun nahi aata
Kaash ki mai likh paata
Kaash ki mai likh paata…

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Blessing in Our Life

Capture

We are told that the ladies who are the easiest to look after are the most blessed.
The question remains, do we treat them as the blessings that they are said to be? Do we treat them as they should be?
Or do we, because of their low maintenance, just neglect their needs?
Because they do not make a fuss and create havoc every time their needs or wishes are not fulfilled, do we overlook their needs? The things that make them happy? The subtle forms of care and love that could overjoy them?
Do we forget doing the things we would for other people because they might just start throwing things in our face? And because these ladies make no such nuisances, do we just ignore them? Take them for granted?
Or for that matter, any person who does not explicitly counter our ways, or do not make extravagant demands, do we take all such people for granted?
Planning things, eating out, conversations, or anything for that matter, any plan, we never consider these “low maintenance, considerate” people.
Is this what someone’s consideration is worth? Is this how they should be treated?

Or are we waiting for them to snap and move away to start looking at them and looking out for them? Or caring for them? And if we do, would it be what keeps them with us? Happy and content?
Or would they have moved too far before we realize they have given up on us?

Numbness

Over the past few days, in many of our conversations, I was asked whether I was hurt. Whether what was said didn’t go well with me. Whether it was offending. Or angered me. For that matter provoked any reaction within me.

Somehow nothing anyone said had any effect, any impact on me. As if nothing mattered. As if nothing was said in the first place.

Had I attained maturity? Or is it some other level of numbness? Numb to the extent that nothing pricks, nothing causes a reaction, nothing stirs me up! Why?

I remember in my childhood my sister was not ticklish and I used to call her inert. After all these years, am even I insert? Non-indulging. Not feeling.

Have I lost my neurons?

Have I internalized and normalized everything to the extent that nothing matters anymore?

What have I done to me?

Path

It was a beautiful day. An amazing company. Shared laughter. While one conversation was leading to another, he asked: “What plans do you have for yourself?” “None”

Plans. Unknowingly he had now touched the raw nerve he talked about a few days earlier. Plans. What she wanted to do with her life. Which direction she wanted to choose. What paths did she desire to walk?

Very few people had bothered about this. Her desire. What she wanted to do with her life. And yet, amongst those few people, her family never featured. It was twice that someone wanted to help her. That the destination had been fixed, so let’s find the path together. Let’s walk together.

There couldn’t have been any sound better than that sentence. “I will show you how to.” And it still remained a mystery to her. Was it her naivety or was the person too convincing? Or was she too desperate to arrive that she drank from all cups offered? Never differentiating, never trying to probe whether it is water or poison.

A part of her did feel poisoned. Cheated. Like being promised of a dessert and getting a toffee. The path promised did exist but it lead elsewhere. Her desire, her dream, her destination was too far from the path she was trodding upon. A part of her always grieved. Maybe she should have probed more. What fun was it walking with people who wouldn’t even understand? Who mocked her? Her passion? What did they know? Had they themselves ever yielded anything from their labor of love? Just how could they?

And here she was, with another hand to take her there. The path seemed better. Familiar. Things she should have been doing for long now, but wasn’t. But a part of her was still hurt. Still afraid. Still wondering where this rendezvous would take her to.

I Ain’t

“Your conversations, darling
mean a whole lot more
take another perspective
dig in a little more

There are signs, little diversions
indirect indications
things can get a little shady
don’t dig your own grave.”

I pondered, reflected, introspected
“How could words be so twisted;
communication misinterpreted
intentions turned topsy turvy”

Guilt, shame, utter pain
my eyes couldn’t have cried more
a blatant blame onto me
Flash floods!

Stepping back a little while later
recalling all I had said
the message I wanted to imply
my naivety!

I stand in front of a mirror
stare; peek into; ask questions
Guilty? At fault?
I get my answer.

No, I ain’t an attention seeker!