Dread

I could hear his tormented voice
its breaking into a wail
pain, anguish, agony

Tear-streaked face
Innocence; questions in eyes
frantic attempts in sheer fear

Giving in, I console
Brazen, insensitive hope
blinded by some positivity

Justifying statements
His plans are the pest
there’s prosperity even in the loss

My audacity, I forget
his pain wasn’t some easy trial
death staring him in the eye

The dread of losing his father!

Hypocrisy

Someone, somewhere, someday said,
“Treat people the way
you want to be treated as”

I wanted to be cared for,
affection, relation
Love!

I reciprocated the same
Giving away care and love
giving smiles away

Unlike the expectations
I got alligations
fingers pointing at me.

Called attention-seeking
and fake;
Someone to be condemned
To be steered away from

Somehow I let an allegation through
like a bullet shattered glass
blood, pain, tears; a mess

Now, I seek a mask
I seek Me!

 

Replaced?

Everyone has phases in life. Childhood, school, tuitions, college … Every phase has different people associated with it. Different bonds, different relations. Expectations. Aspirations.

And somehow sharing a part of life turns insignificant when a new phase is introduced. Somehow everything associated with a phase is let go. Maybe to make a place for new things. Maybe it is an escape way… who knows!

The only remnant we let ourselves have is a piece of paper signifying the time we spent, toiling.

Why was it so difficult to give people some space in life? To give time to people we once so cherished? Who meant the world to us at some point of time. Are our schedules actually so busy? Do we care so less?

From another perspective, we hold images of people we have met. Some memories. Some traits. And over time we tend to idealise them. Maybe we are afraid we won’t find them the same once we reconnect. Maybe they refuse to recognise… Maybe the place we had in their lives has been replaced. Maybe we fear the change in them.

Maybe…

Final Step

Many times our dreams, our goals are just one step away from us. We just have to extend our hand and grab it. But more often than not, we are afraid of thatfinal step. That last brick in the wall.

Though we say we desire so and so but we never really yearn for it. Because if we did, we would grab it even if it were miles afar.

It is this last step that discloses whether that dream, that goal is really sought. Whether we really crave for it, yearn it.

All excuses, delays, time, blah blah come forth when we do it half hearted, as a compulsion. Else nothing would or could stop us.

On another level, maybe we are afraid to complete the journey. Once this dream, this goal is achieved, what would life be like. There won’t be this goal to work for. Would life lose its meaning? Would there be nothing else to look forward to? Would it be the end of everything? Would it invoke the feelings of lost?

A Step

There are so many times we complaint, complain and give up. Curse. Blame. And do nothing else. Nothing at all to change the current circumstances. To change the present.
It feels so good to be in the crowd, to relate to people, to whine along with them that they forget their own identity. They forget that this whining can end simply by taking one step away from the crowd. By not following what everyone is. By taking that risk of being talked about, ridiculed and mocked.
But that comfort zone is too dear. To the extent that we sacrifice dreams for it.
Why could we not that that extra step, that one step of agony and reach out to our dreams? Why give up? Why not bear a little more pain and achieve it rather than sit down nursing wounds?
Someone has written,
“Bus itni si doori, yeh mai hun ya manzil
Kahan aa ke phoote hain pairon ke chaale”

But, instead of lamenting and crying on the wounds, could we not take a few steps further, achieve that we started all this journey for and then nurse the wounds. In Glory?

Governed by Fear?

All of us talk of winning. Of how we want to achieve things. Dreams. We build castles. Fantasies at work. A beautiful imagination.

But when we look in our eyes, why do we find them empty? Why don’t our smiles reach our eyes? Why do our hearts feel empty?

We all dream. But we fail to realize them. We fail to work so  as to make them true. We listen to society, to people and think this won’t work. That building castles in air is a waste. Why don’t we listen to us?

We cherish our comfort zones, our images. Of how we live and what people think about us that we forget we had dreams. We think about what people would gossip about. not what our dreams on completion would look like. We focus on our position in society. Not the work that can realize our dreams.

Why is it easy to dream of a pent house. Why isn’t working for it that easy? Because our actions, our thoughts are governed by fear. What if? Maybe I lose what I have working for what I want! What if, this dream of being AVP instead of an employee costs me my health? My job? My everything?

Why do we repeat the things we have always done? They didn’t get us to our dreams. Why would they now?

Maybe we just need to take a U-turn. Drive to that crazy path we once shun because of our fears. Because we thought it was crazy. Because we cared about what the world would think. Fear. Maybe destination is not that far.

Maybe everything is waiting and we are not able to achieve it because we are fearful of extending our hand.

Is burning one’s hand not worth if that gets one to his dream?

Fear of Change

fearofchange

When we are happy we often think of how long this would last. How far this will go. Would the dynamics of a relation change with time or it remains eternal.

These thoughts are often depressing. Making us apprehensive of future. Of things yet to come. Some may even turn possessive. Trying to resist the changes that might never happen at all. Are we all so afraid of losing a relation?

Is is actually a relation, a person we are afraid to lose? Or is it the change that would accompany the change? The loss of a comfort zone. The need of new interactions. The need to create a new space. A new comfort zone.

More often than not, we are afraid of the change. The effort we would have to put in once something changes. But why?

Are we apprehensive about our abilities too? Thinking we might not be able to do a thing again? Or do something in a better way? Or accomplish a new thing altogether?

Human potential is limitless. The limits we see are what we want to see, what we want to believe. Even if you tell yourself you have the capability to fly, it would. Never giving a damn about the presence or absence of wings.

 

 

 

 

 

A Dark Room

Rising urge…
Letting things go
Fear, floods, a thomping heart
So…?
Working of it all-
Fear as reigns
Terror, fright, helplessness
Oh! The pits of gloom
An occasional light,
Rays of hope
Frantic search of who I am
Sudden return of the night
How it turns me blind
Numb to pain- to this dark
As if some chains bound
Even the luxury of pain
And yet I couldn’t be restrained
Pointing fingers at destiny