Unloving Someone

Can you, can anyone stop loving a person at any point of time? Like, “I am done, I don’t like this person anymore?”

Whoever it is, a friend, a lover, a teacher, one can never unlove. One can never tell oneself to not feel for someone.

And moving on? We just stop expecting out of people. Stop waiting. Quit all our hopes and accept the way we want someone might just remain a fantasy.

We don’t stop loving. We stop expecting any scenario with the person, anything together.

That’s how we move on!

Hypocrisy

Someone, somewhere, someday said,
“Treat people the way
you want to be treated as”

I wanted to be cared for,
affection, relation
Love!

I reciprocated the same
Giving away care and love
giving smiles away

Unlike the expectations
I got alligations
fingers pointing at me.

Called attention-seeking
and fake;
Someone to be condemned
To be steered away from

Somehow I let an allegation through
like a bullet shattered glass
blood, pain, tears; a mess

Now, I seek a mask
I seek Me!

 

Expectations

no-expectations2

When we talk about relations, of public dealings, we tend to expect. We expect people to be accommodating, or preferably perfect. Perfect not in literal sense but perfect as per our liking. My perfect might as well be disliked by all others.

But people don’t come as packages. They are no plastic models which we have to assemble. Where we can change or customise parts as per our liking. Choose the traits we like. Leave out the emotions we don’t want. If it were, life would have been easy.

But people and relations don’t work like that. They come as empty boxes rather than fully loaded packages. You have to put in your efforts to make everything work. To make these relations into what we want them to be. But who has that energy. And patience! I must be kidding.

We all are experts in expecting. Demanding things. Rights. Asking for adjustments and compromises. But how far do we flex to accommodate the other? How much do we compromise to make the other comfortable?

It is easy to ask for favours, adjustments, compromises. Equally difficult is to be the giver. The one who satisfies others’ needs. We all tend to be the asking hand. The one who needs but won’t bend for the other.

Rather than expecting perfect, compromises or whatever, we may as well work together to build a space equally comfortable.

 

By Bob Marley

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

Broken

Walking down the road,
in pursuit of that goal
the  cherished longing,
the golden dream

Along the way you try too hard
with a sun shining too bright
And then suddenly you feel tired
all energy, zeal sapped.

You wish the destination were nearer
that you reach before too late
with fatigue creeping in
the distance seeming even longer.

And somewhere you suddenly get sight
There! you found it right in front
Running wild, with all your heart
to find a mirage, mocking.

Broken hearts could not be seen
but they ache even more
They pain of losing out on dreams
the tests of time and tiredness.

 

 

 

In Between

She was caught amongst two opposites
One seeking her right and one left
She didn’t know where to go
Each seeking her attention equally
One was blood and other affection
Both so close, so dear to her
And yet in their clash of ideas
She didn’t know where to go.
She couldn’t decide whom to listen to
Both were right in their stand
And though they said it’s her right,
She could see pain in their eyes.
She was filled with indecision
A decision would hurt either of two
Both were equally important to her
How could she do so?
And in their fight of right and wrong
It was she who suffered most
Their egos clashed amongst them
And she hurt in between

Priorities

She cried, bewildered
where had the child gone?
But where had she been when
the soul was alone at home
trying not to be afraid
future can hold unknowns!

She looked around for her child
but it was long gone
Where was she when it cried
hungry and so tired
figuring out how to cook,
seeking mother in distress?

She asked, “Why it left early
Was it not too young to die?”
Where was she when he wanted to play
and was shooed away?
made to feel like unwanted
a burden onto the family?

She pleaded them to let it be
and not take it away from her
Where was she when it cried for her
seeking her affection and protection.
When all it desired was her
and she busy with other!

She looked around in despair
It had waited for her hopelessly
She seeks when it no more was
It sought when ignored so hard
And as it parted that fateful day
one lost life and other hope!

Unending Search!

Sitting by the window pane she gazed outside. It was raining heavily. Now for hours together. These incessant rains had triggered off her memories. She could see her past in front of her eyes. Alive, active.

She had been a naïve sweet girl. Vary amicable and adventurous. Hyperactive. Type A personality. She always found something to do. Idle state was never meant for her! She moved around like an excited electron emitting energy. Or maybe a radioactive nucleus emitting radiations continuously. She simply could not stop. The high she got from being active was her motivation to be so even more.

She interacted with everyone. Trusted everyone easily. Everyone was a friend. Caring. Till a point in life all her care and love was reciprocated. Living was bliss. Hugs and kisses.

But how long does life let you be happy? Not long. Never. Life had huge plans for her. Everything was written in minute details. Every moment had been described. Every breath she drew had something associated. No, she did not fall in love. Her friends had always been enough. But now she was at a new place. Amongst new people. She had not changed but people around were no longer same. She discovered a new reality of life. Selfishness. Greed. People were not into friendships. Rather they had acquaintances whom they would use in times of need.  Everything was need driven. Unaware of this, she trusted and loved everyone equally, unconditionally. Only this time it was not reciprocated. All she got back was avoidance. This marred her initially. Were these people (supposedly) not her friends? No. though this dawned late on her, but she did realise this truth. No one was worth being called a friend. Undeserving.

Now she knew how to keep her expectations low. But then how could she? When she was a vault, she expected everyone to be the same. Unfortunate. No one was. She could not find herself a support. Learning to live by herself, and adopting to the emptiness too took some time. And then she stumbled across a person. A mentor. And here she lost herself again. She trusted him. Expected him to be, though low, but she did. It was beautiful cause he also displayed care. Maybe she mattered to him too. Did she? She came to know this soon enough. Her queries increased over time. Viola! He feels bugged and intruded due to her. An expected and awaited heartbreak.

What wrong had she expected? Some attention? An ear? A caressing hand? He was her mentor. Could she not expect even out of him? She could not understand what was happening in life. One day he would be a friend, the very next a strict introvert pissed off due to her! Beyond her comprehension.

This was not the first time it had happened. She had had multiple heartbreaks. Some even came from her best friends and close people. But this proved to be the final nail in the coffin. This incident sealed it all. She cried and talked. Talked to herself, giving explanations. Justifications. Attempting to cover up the wound that lay open. No one heard. No response. She screamed out her innocence. Words could not go beyond the walls. Soon enough she fell unconscious.

She could not understand the way world and people work. You choose to trust them and they break it. You choose not to and you lose all the great people who are actually bothered about you. Chaos. Silence.

And now she roamed the asylum corridors. Searching for her words, her innocence, her fault. Still searching answers. Herself!