Happiness

Looking around broken-hearted
something was amiss
the search continued for years
still not knowing what the yearning was for!

Things had changed and many more
yet they could not come to fore
everything they wanted was there
except the heart’s desire for peace.

Something would always go wrong
a little mistake blown out of proportion
passing blames on one another
and despising the change brought around.

And yet, they never acknowledged
their own roles in the changes
all was fault of the other
and self? A saint!

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No More!

I feel like being so selfish
Like dragging a dagger down his chest
I can see love in his eyes
But I love him no more!

He caresses in the most lovely way
As if I the only person in world
But my wounds have clutched my soul
Grief rendered me vulnerable no more!

I had become numb from feelings
Neither did I feel happy nor gloomy
And the list to whine had ceased
I wanted to love him back; but I could no more!

He wanted me to be the same
The care and love I used to be
But he couldn’t see what I could
I couldn’t be the same; no more!

In his negligence of behaviour and care
I had bestowed my everything on him
Now he wakes from his slumber
But I desire love no more!

Rise And Fall

She was meeting him for the first time. A huge hue and cry was made about it. The whole family had gathered. She was being taken to meet a suitor.  Marriage! She did not know how she would meet him amidst all these relatives. She did not know how to meet him at all! She was feeling so reluctant. Blushed in face.

The suitor impressed everyone well. Everyone felt satisfied. They both liked each other. Or was it so? How could someone decide in a single meeting whether to marry the person or not. Nevertheless, they were getting married. Joyous environment surrounded both the families. What else gives our families better satisfaction?

They were married soon after, without a long courtship period. Their initial period had that hesitation of being with a stranger. That sudden transformation of life due to shifting from one place to another. Well because you said yes! They hardly knew each other at that time. Almost nothing but each other’s names. As days passed by, they got to know each other. Everyday revealing a new aspect of their personalities. And as time flew by, they fell in love!

Maybe that is the best feeling for a couple. To realize that they love their partner even when they were strangers at the time of marriage. That though they were tied together, they are doing good by being there for each other. As days passed by, their love increased. They did small things for each other. Building home brick by brick!

Soon their love reached zenith! The point where they felt they were inseparable. Even a moment of distance seemed unbearable. They were obsessed with each other. One a drug for other. Addicted! It seemed as if they would choke to death if their significant other was not available or away. Maybe this is what they call true love. Maybe this was just an obsession. Why otherwise would a partner’s absence make the other uncomfortable?

We all have lives before marriage. We all have that individual space and dreams. Then why do we associate to our partners as much as to influence our decisions? Sometimes compelling us to even quit pursuing our dreams? Maybe this we called compromise! Where we live to make each other happy rather than just pursuing personal goals. Maybe love changes our priorities. Maybe we seek love more than any other dreams. Maybe…!

But in our society, or in any other society as a matter of fact, does true love really exist? Maybe nah! Their obsession proved to be very poisonous. She entered home a minute late and questions started pouring like rain. It seemed like she was questionable for every breath she took. Why, how, when, where, these questions became more common. Like she was owned by someone. Why had she talked to a guy? Why had she decided something without his consent? Why’s followed her everywhere. He turned into a typical possessive husband. Keeping an eye on her. Rather, spying! He had somehow become insecure. His wife was beautiful, confident and had enormous potential. Somewhere in his mind he felt that she deserved someone better. Maybe this thought made him do all this. He kept an eye on everything she did. Every call she made; texts she sent; people she interacted with. Doubtful.

His possessiveness had grown to the extent where he did not want her to even leave the house premises, leave alone going for a job. He wanted to conceal her from the world. As if someone was going to take her away from him. His fears seemed illogical but he could not shun them. Was this the zenith of love? Was insecurity intrinsic to love?

These illogical fears made him question her on every thing. That zenith of love seemed to be lost. As if it had gained a decreasing trend. His fears had started consuming all the love. Nothing seemed to satisfy him. She had to be ready with explanations and proofs. He could question her on anything and everything. Who knew what would irritate him the next time!

She could see his love amongst all this but then it all was too harsh. She deserved some respect and trust too. She had a life before knowing him and she still had one. But did marriage snatch it all? Had she lost her life due to the relation? Had she lost all rights? Did she need to snap all contacts from her pre-marital life to stay happy? Did she need to give all her time to her husband only? She had no answers.

With time the obsessive nature turned the relation sour. No day passed without a fight which usually started over nothing. Maybe because they had nothing left to talk about! Was this a way to seek her attention? A way to say “I need your care”? But was the method correct? Was it fair for her? Love never hurts someone. Only our behaviour, our way of expression does! And so did it in their life too.

There came a day when he got angry over something. Something which was not her fault at all. Something which could not be controlled. Inevitable. Maybe destiny itself! And that day destiny had strange plans. She just did not want to put up with whatever he said that day. Hence she replied back to his every blame, every taunt. This aggravated his anger further. In a moment of rage, he slapped her. Hard. Repeatedly.

She stood there, baffled! She did not know what to do or how to react. Tears streamed down her eyes as a reflex response. Her mind unable to think for a moment. And then, she withdrew! Walked away from him. In that moment it seemed to be the only way out. Later, she packed her bags and left. Not listening to any explanations or apologies. Not giving in. She knew she had already had enough and now she had to stand up for her respect. So she did.

And that day, the line on graph touched zero. They had become strangers again. Living separately, unaware of other’s existence.

Conflict-photo