Sometimes I wonder:
If the situation stayed
And I were replaced by her
Would you react the same?
Sometimes I wonder:
If the situation stayed
And I were replaced by her
Would you react the same?
We are told that the ladies who are the easiest to look after are the most blessed.
The question remains, do we treat them as the blessings that they are said to be? Do we treat them as they should be?
Or do we, because of their low maintenance, just neglect their needs?
Because they do not make a fuss and create havoc every time their needs or wishes are not fulfilled, do we overlook their needs? The things that make them happy? The subtle forms of care and love that could overjoy them?
Do we forget doing the things we would for other people because they might just start throwing things in our face? And because these ladies make no such nuisances, do we just ignore them? Take them for granted?
Or for that matter, any person who does not explicitly counter our ways, or do not make extravagant demands, do we take all such people for granted?
Planning things, eating out, conversations, or anything for that matter, any plan, we never consider these “low maintenance, considerate” people.
Is this what someone’s consideration is worth? Is this how they should be treated?
Or are we waiting for them to snap and move away to start looking at them and looking out for them? Or caring for them? And if we do, would it be what keeps them with us? Happy and content?
Or would they have moved too far before we realize they have given up on us?
So, when we shed tears we are removing the hormones that tend to make us sad.
We are built to vent things out, to let things go.
And yet we, a huge chunk of us, is adamant on keeping it all in. Bottling things up.
The very nature of us to go against the nature of us!
“Your conversations, darling
mean a whole lot more
take another perspective
dig in a little more
There are signs, little diversions
things can get a little shady
don’t dig your own grave.”
I pondered, reflected, introspected
“How could words be so twisted;
intentions turned topsy turvy”
Guilt, shame, utter pain
my eyes couldn’t have cried more
a blatant blame onto me
Stepping back a little while later
recalling all I had said
the message I wanted to imply
I stand in front of a mirror
stare; peek into; ask questions
Guilty? At fault?
I get my answer.
No, I ain’t an attention seeker!
Someone had said that one should behave in the manner a person wants to be treated. Somehow I managed to convince myself that I need to be there for anyone who needs. I as a person would love that. Being valued, being helped.
But then everyone does not have the same ideology. Everyone does not want to talk or help. Some want attention, others power. Yet others seclusion. Maybe what they do, and how they behave is in alignment with what they want.
Why should I judge them
why should I change my behaviour because of them…
Or should I?
Someone, somewhere, someday said,
“Treat people the way
you want to be treated as”
I wanted to be cared for,
I reciprocated the same
Giving away care and love
giving smiles away
Unlike the expectations
I got alligations
fingers pointing at me.
Someone to be condemned
To be steered away from
Somehow I let an allegation through
like a bullet shattered glass
blood, pain, tears; a mess
Now, I seek a mask
I seek Me!
Many times our dreams, our goals are just one step away from us. We just have to extend our hand and grab it. But more often than not, we are afraid of thatfinal step. That last brick in the wall.
Though we say we desire so and so but we never really yearn for it. Because if we did, we would grab it even if it were miles afar.
It is this last step that discloses whether that dream, that goal is really sought. Whether we really crave for it, yearn it.
All excuses, delays, time, blah blah come forth when we do it half hearted, as a compulsion. Else nothing would or could stop us.
On another level, maybe we are afraid to complete the journey. Once this dream, this goal is achieved, what would life be like. There won’t be this goal to work for. Would life lose its meaning? Would there be nothing else to look forward to? Would it be the end of everything? Would it invoke the feelings of lost?
All life through they taught how one should behave. How it was important to respect elders, seniors. And how maintaining a low tone and containing your disagreement is a way of showing this respect.
Did any of those realise they were teaching kids to bottle up emotions? Hide their true feelings? They were teaching, training them to use a paint brush, to put up a mask. Why did the world have problems with real?
What would happen if a child openly disagreed with his parents? “Dad, I don’t want to pursue science. I love commerce.” How does this simple admission hamper respect or relation? More so, it would help them understand each other.
But we so want to control everything that we forget where we should and where we should not talk. Some things are personal. Very close to heart. And when someone else takes away the right to express it, exercise it or pursue it, we change. We either revolt, blow up, throw up arms in protest, “This is what I want and I won’t bend”, or we bottle up. Keep emotions to oneself. Put a fake mask of happiness and do as told.
No doubt this mask makes everyone else happy. But has anyone ever thought how it impacts the person? How a lost dream and a fake smile kill him. Everyday!
This pushes one to a new zone, a mentality. Passive Aggressive Behaviour. Actively they don’t show their disagreement. Ah! Who listens either way. But passively they make sure they avenge themselves. Everything behind a mask of agreement and respect.
If we imagine scolding a child and that child breaks your favourite mug, “Oops! It dropped out of my hands”. While we mourn the loss, the child enjoys. Tit for tat.
Ah! And how many times have we been asked to do something we don’t want to. “Is it done yet?” “Ah! I am working on it. Just that it won’t happen.” We are not born procrastinators, we tend to acquire the trait on demand.
Though we see everyone calling sarcasm a sign of high IQ, it again is passive aggression. Just hidden underneath a translucent veil of humour. Sharp and ready to sting.
But at the end why should there be any need of such behaviour? Why should someone ever feel the need of a mask, a paint brush. Why should anyone ever do something just to please people?
Why care for respect and fear when it can drive you to such fatal behaviour. Once this behaviour was listed as a mental disorder. But so many people depict this tendency that now it is merely behaviour.
Why should there be passive aggression at all? Why not be and let others be real?
Many times we come across people who are accustomed to getting respect. As if they have some inherent right to it irrespective to their qualification for the same. And to satisfy their ego they demand of people to show them respect. Guidelines are laid. Rules. Shoulds and shouldn’ts. A pre-agreed behaviour.
But all that these people get is fake. A compulsion. Because they forget that to get respect from someone is equivalent to win their heart. All they earn is people’s loathing. Disregard. And the wishes to have minimum interaction with such people.
They forget everything cannot be demanded, some things are meant to be worked hard for. Only when you are true and humble would the universe reciprocate.
Only when you touch their souls do you earn their respect!
Mita de apni hasti ko gar kuch martaba chahe
ki daana khaak mai mil kar gul-e-gulzaar hota hai
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.
When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.
The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.
A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.
You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.
You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.