Only when I write do I realise how long I have deprived myself of the pleasure. Everything is messed up as always is. And penting up emotions inside causes further distress. This all makes you feel so tired, useless and dependent. And shall I tell you what the ultimate helplessness is? Not being able to cry!
It all feels like I were a ship right in middle of some ocean and a hurricane strikes. A purposeful strike. Till you are shattered. As if it were a test of strength. An evaluation.
And sometimes you do break up. Not because of a storm, not because of being hit or tested. But because when you analyse the situation you find yourself all alone. Everyone ever categorised as dependable is nowhere near. And suddenly you realise no one is actually bothered about anyone but their own selves. You are supposed to fight your battles single handedly! Alone.
Everyday you get blamed, labelled, pointed at, backbited, … and so much more but you go on thinking that there still are some who fall on your side. Friends, Family. We tend to think they would never betray. But once you find the truth about those chosen few where do you go? When you know no one’s out there for you, whom do you turn to?
Relations are all farce…