Delusion of Mind

And all of a sudden I desire
A blade slicing through my wrist
Blood oozing out in busts
Everything painted red

An attempt to clean out all inside
Everything that deserves not to be
One or another trait, unwanted
The tag of unholy

Some memory may get erased
The piercing eyes of world
Loneliness, awkwardness
And forbidding eyes around

The soul may ultimately jolt awake
Dilemma of existence put to end
A vision to follow, go after
A life desired, devoted too!

Forlorn

They thought she was asleep
Bored of class, all the work
They could not see within
Despair, gloom

They thought she was tired
A hectic day, schedule
They could not see through
The lost will, hopelessness

They thought she was overworked staying in for too long
They knew not her fear of world
The will to die, disappear

She probably had cold
A handkerchief in her hand
A wet pillow away from sight
Knew of her agony all through

Tired, separated, dejected
Her life, she felt, wasted
Not a person of same tongue
Not a hand to help up.

Farce

Only when I write do I realise how long I have deprived myself of the pleasure. Everything is messed up as always is. And penting up emotions inside causes further distress. This all makes you feel so tired, useless and dependent. And shall I tell you what the ultimate helplessness is? Not being able to cry!

It all feels like I were a ship right in middle of some ocean and a hurricane strikes. A purposeful strike. Till you are shattered. As if it were a test of strength. An evaluation.

And sometimes you do break up. Not because of a storm, not because of being hit or tested. But because when you analyse the situation you find yourself all alone. Everyone ever categorised as dependable is nowhere near. And suddenly you realise no one is actually bothered about anyone but their own selves. You are supposed to fight your battles single handedly! Alone.

Everyday you get blamed, labelled, pointed at, backbited, … and so much more but you go on thinking that there still are some who fall on your side. Friends, Family. We tend to think they would never betray. But once you find the truth about those chosen few where do you go? When you know no one’s out there for you, whom do you turn to?

Relations are all farce…

 

Once you dare love

Pleased by the butterflies
The surge of dopamine
They forgot about life’s plan
And signed up for a heartbreak

They roamed hand in hand
Heads lost in reverie
But life had no change of plans
Pain, regret coming through.

They fought hard to be together
To reverse the fate they faced
Broken hearts bled for long
As if a part cut out

Far away they couldn’t sleep
Hearts yearning for each other
Their eyes wept, counting stars
The gloom of a moonless night

Someone trying to make sense
Mentioned they had signed up
Pain and heartbreak inevitable
Once you dare love!

Harboured Love

When we love someone, we tend to think of them as close to us. And if possible, we tend to keep them physically close. Within eyesight. Separation and distance seem some kind of a barrier. As if the distance were going to decrease the love, or have an impact on it in some way.

But do we ever consider that the one whom we love might be happier somewhere else? Maybe his desires, dreams where not the proximity we usually tend to maintain? Maybe they have different goals for themselves than what we assume.

When we love someone we do not merely love them for our own sake. We can’t be happy by merely the physical proximity if they aren’t equally happy about it. For love doesn’t captivate it lets you free, happy.

And yet, when someone tries to do something which might take them farther from us, we resist. Even though we know how important or crucial it may be for them, or how much they desire this, we resist. In love, we tend to be selfish.

And as such when someone says that want to die, end their life we resist. We tend to show them the brighter side and convince them to change their mind. We tend to tell them how beautiful life can be or what miracles future may reveal. But in order to save our love we tend to overlook their ordeal.

We tend to forget their issues, their pain. For when a  quadriplegic asks for euthanasia or a trip to Dignitas we tend to feel offended, destroyed. We think they are being selfish. But we do not realise their situation. How they must be feeling one day walking and another day suddenly finding themselves crippled. Of being dependent on someone all the time however trivial the job. How sore they must be and how bored by being in the same place, a chair or a bed, not even able to move a muscle to bring oneself comfort.

We believe we can see them wither away in pain but not let them just die in peace. We expect them to fight their health issues and go through traumatic hospital procedures just because we cannot endure their absence in our lives. We can see them in pain, but not happily dead!

For love does not mean merely holding on and sticking together. It meaning letting go for the sake of other’s happiness. Love is selfless, and when you reject someone’s  plea to freedom, whether physical or emotional, you deny love.

For it is better to die with pride than to look into eyes full of pity.