Broken bliss

When care and concern seems a lie
and all you wanna do is lie down and cry

When everyone around seems selfish
leaving behind a huge blemish

When all the wait is of no avail
and people constantly put you to some trail

When the skies seem falling apart
or you feel like being a dart

Remember the doors are still open
light enters only when heart is broken

Neither good nor bad lasts long
pull up your socks and be strong!

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Unspoken and Unresolved!

He said, “I am frustrated. I can’t take it any longer. I call it off.” This came from him after remaining tight-lipped for two days. This separation was killing him inside. Heart broken. She had been pained too. In ways different from him.

There had been some huge miscommunication in their relation. The things that should have beautified it were intoxicating it. They were not able to synchronise properly. They loved each other but were not compatible with each other. Something was missing in their relation.

Their different upbringing and values were messing with each other. He had always been restricted in life. Bound by the responsibility of being eldest. He never had choices in life. He could have changed his ways now. He was no more bound. But he chose not to. Unreasonable. He feared losing his identity. Maybe he could no longer be able to relate to self. Or maybe he did not want to move out of his comfort zone. Inert. He could not see why he needed the change. Probably he did not want to grow at all.

She, on the other hand, had always been liberal. She had had all the freedom one could have. She was the apple of everyone’s eye. Pampered. Being youngest, she never really grew up. The kid inside her would show up every now and then. But she was mature too. More than what is expected of her age. Sensible. Being youngest was an advantage. Everyone felt she was too young to understand. So she was never locked out when serious matters were discussed. And secretly, she understood all.

He seemed to have no dreams. All he wanted was a job so he may take the burden off his father’s shoulders. She wanted to fly. Dreamt of everything one could imagine. He was timid. Cautious of what he did in public view. What he said or what questions he asked. Most of the times he did not. She did not give a damn about the world. It was her life and she would choose what she wanted. She would ask all such questions others felt were silly or were afraid to ask. Alive. And then one day they stumbled into one another.

Everyone knew they loved each other, even before they knew. Everyone could see that in his eyes. The way he looked at her, cared for her. And the way she desired his attention. Before they knew, they were in a relation. Everything was beautiful.

Then what went wrong? What happened that they had to part ways? Even they could not answer this. Somehow differences took toll of their relation. They did not know what acted as poison. But it seemed to be the end. There was nothing left. Over.

Maybe they should have talked out their differences. Left their egos aside. They should have learnt what the other one likes. Instead of being uncomfortable in what the other person likes, they could have shown positives to their partners. They did not bother. They should have smoothened out the creases but they were too negligent. Has any relation sustained blame? They should have acted mature! They should have valued their love. Bruised.

How Long?

Sitting up all night, drenched in sweat with the forehead lines visible. Evidently stressed. Overthinking a scenario and indulging in “what-ifs”. No work is produced. All that happens is high production of adrenaline, with  a throbbing pain in head and a heartburn. Sometimes all this leading to pain in chest. No, its not a heart attack due to high cholesterol levels, it is due to stress cardiomyopathy. Due to excessively high levels of adrenaline in heart muscles causing them to get numb, rendering them nonfunctional.

But what was causing this amount of stress to lead one to a heart attack? Mismanagement. When resources are mismanaged or used up in less important areas, this is bound to happen. Resources are exhausted in those unimportant jobs and the most important stuff remains pending. Voila! you reach the worry stage where you are fretting about that should be done. What measures should be taken to curb the problem in the bud.

Working frantically. All should be done on emergency basis. Everything is termed urgent. Adrenaline effect. But certain things do not work as expected. Some small things turn up to be large to work on. Some are difficult to deal with. And with some motivation is lost. And this emergency status on all kinds of work causes fatigue. So, if earlier you were doing x amount of work in certain number of hours, now you work  {x-work that could have been done in time used in worry and rest}. The production levels reduce. And the work pressure increases with inverse proportionality. The less work accomplished, the more the pressure.

This exhaustion further delays the progress of work. Work gets stuck at a place as you tend to refresh the mind. And when you are refreshed, alas! time remaining is too little. Now what can be done? What methodology should be applied so one may accomplish all in time? Work untiringly. Nothing else can sort the problem. And working like this under immense pressure makes the work proceed fast.

Work accomplished, Now time for presentation. Everything finishes up well.

But on the return trip, heart suddenly meets a failure. Unable to pump. The muscles turn numb. Though the muscles recover within days, but how long will the heart bear it all?

True Love

hands-mother_00295103

Mother…

This one word makes one’s memory race down the forgotten lanes and relive all the care and love that has been bestowed onto you. The way she lovingly touched one’s head; that kiss on forehead; those cuddles.

Mothers love unconditionally. Everyone in your friend circle is loved equally. And every pup you bring home from roadside is taken care of. As if she has reservoirs of love; blessing everyone with it. No soul remains untouched.

May it be asking for some exotic dish or something extra than the pocket money, she hardly ever says no. As if she didn’t know what the word meant or what it’s usage is. As if all she ever wants is that smile you pass her when she fulfills your needs or secret wishes. As if our happiness alone is the criteria for her happiness regardless of how she is treated or what she feels.

And this is not so with humans only. Even animal mums are affectionate, and not just to their own kind but to all kids. As if a mother’s heart is devoid of any kind of classification. Unable to differentiate between her own kids and others’ kids. She loves them all equally.

And yet, when people talk of true love they talk of a guy or girl in one’s life. Does a mother’s love not count? Was her love not pure and true? Or is it that she did it all without being asked hence the negligence towards her? Does she not deserve equivalent love? Does she not need to be cared for?

Caged!

Life behind the fence

That feeling of something fluttering inside.
As if someone was caged, trying to fell.
Like a desperate attempt to survive while drowning.
As if suffocating to death and trying hard to breathe

When feelings and expressions do not find a vent they flutter like a caged bird. Body senses the tension but does not know what exactly to do about it. Like a non swimmer watching a drowning person with no help nearby. All he can do is stand helplessly and watch the death or walk away sensing the arrival of death angel.

And all of us recognize the problem, but solution? Alas! No one knows. All suffer from this silently. But all they do is remain silent. As if silence would suppress the head-raising storms. And all it does is complicate things further.

Let out and let go. Life awaits beyond this struggle!

Mist

And I thought through fingers
my expressions, words

All I had earned in life
was a flowing pen on paper

Criticized, abused or adored
it was blood in disguise

Else how could words impact
if not inflicted with pain

If people do not relate
do not create awe?

A story of fiction
somewhere hidden a gist of truth

Exposing and hiding together
it was mist amongst clear skies!

Just Pondering…

With all the love birds promising each other to be together forever one ponders over the truth of such statements. Can it really be true? Can such promises be fulfilled? Especially when parental consent is something very difficult to get? Do they not consider any abnormal circumstances can change the stance? Maybe something else has been destined for them. And still they feel powerful enough to commit their life to someone?

And even if parental consent is not a problem, how can someone be in an unethical relationship? Do they not consider God? How can love flourishing under God’s wrath expect to survive forever?  Is God not potent enough to erase it all within seconds?  Can He not doom the love to sudden death and dislike?  Can He not hamper a couple’s plans of staying together forever?

Instead of pleasing people and a lover why don’t we focus more on pleasing God? Would love not bloom better with his blessings? Would life not become more pleasurable with His consent? Why can’t we restain ourselves for some years?  Won’t the wait be worth it?  Won’t everyone’s love and care make it more beautiful?  Won’t the blessings make the love last forever?

A Riddle?

One of the difficulties of life is to decide whether to let go or to wait further. Many a times lives are lost making this decision. One never wants to give up on hopes of attaining something pleasurable to heart. But waiting is a pain in itself. Sometimes broken dreams hurt less than the pain of unending wait.

But then we are quitting on our ability to attain things. Underestimating our capacity to bear pain. Unless pain is not known what pleasure would happiness be?

On one side is heart ready to bear all pain. On other is brain aware of reality, full of rationality and ready to move on.

But, whom does one listen to?  Which way chosen?

Unfestive Festivals

Eid-ul-Fitr-moon-2013

The month of festivities is here. Today, the first of Ramadan. Celebrations. Joy fills up every household. Special preparations are made. Exotic dishes prepared. Early morning feasts. Late night prayers. Everything turns blissful and beautiful. Blessings pour in purifying everyone and everything.

No soul is left without being blessed. But the joys are not equal for all. Blessings don’t vary, but conditions do! Some people get exiled by choice. And for them, it is equally challenging. While people at home have the ease of getting up and eating whatever dishes mom has prepared, people in stranger places wonder what they would even eat. No cook comes in that early to serve food. And the hectic schedules render you incapable of cooking yourself, especially at the morning meal. And the folks who like in hostels, it is almost a nightmare. “Would they even serve food or we have to fast by drinking water only?”

Living away from home can be a nightmare in such times. With nothing to eat in mornings and nothing special to open fast with, even the toughest souls miss home. Every soul in such exiles secretly wishes to be home and enjoy the blessings. But had it been as easy as to say so, who would not go back home?  Many  a times people can only yearn for this with no way to do so. Responsibilities, work, studies, there is always something to bind them. And their clutches are too strong to be broken easily.

Another issue that creeps up is that at most of the places they would not have a mosque nearby. Hence they either need to travel a lot to get to one, or rely on some prayer app for the timings. Though they prove to be a huge relief, there is always a sense of ambiguity as to whether the app timings are correct or not. This notion brings forth another problem. What if the app shows iftar timings earlier than the actual? Or what if they are late?

The apps are doubted because they have static calendars. On 30th Shaban, apps displayed the date as 1st Ramadan. How much can such apps be trusted? Can somebody really rely on them for pre-dawn meal and iftar timings? Not really! That gives people another reason to miss home. Azaan from a nearby mosque would mark the start and end of their fast. Newspapers would carry timings for the whole month. There would be reminders everywhere. And in these exiled lands, there is not even one! Barren.

Living away is not only a matter of freedom. It also carries along difficulty. Sometimes it symbolizes a test, sometimes punishment. Many people view it as a preparation for future life. Maybe there is something harder to face. Hence this preparation. Maybe they sinned earlier in lives, hence this punishment. And for many, it is a trial. A difficult one.

Not all can really survive in a foreign land and pray with happiness. More often than not, tears accompany every prayer. Sometimes even without prayers. Consoling selves with the thoughts of how much Allah loves them. That He is creating a means of forgiveness for them. That if this is a trial, they for sure are on the right path!

And many of them would stay up all night so they may not miss pre-dawn meal and fajr prayers.

May all such souls be blessed with immense strength and patience to endure it. To survive a plethora of memories and celebrating unfestive festivals!

Surprise!

And you thought I forgot?
Or that I cared less?
Maybe that you were not special
or a bit less important
Cause we had just met
and it was time for adieu?
Nah! you were wrong!
Even for you I wrote a song
Maybe we have things to share
certain things about which we care
Maybe we crossed paths late
cause it wasn’t the end yet!