Blessings come from unknown sources and unexpected doors.
The more you expect a blessing from a certain thing, the meagre your chances of acknowledging what comes from other sources.
Don’t block your sources of happiness And cherish everything you have
With every moment that passes by
I go farther farther away
And every step that I take
A little inside do I break
Being called for by both ends
for one, my road bends
I could not stay further
though craving for a merger
But I remember everyday
how I should remain gay
How my smile matters
thinking of you amongst chatters
And I will come back to you soon
to be called your moon!
There was a sudden surge of pain. Her heart had accepted what her mind could not. Or maybe it was this realization that had unsettled her. Maybe the truth of their separation had gradually soaked into her. She, in some part of her mind, had accepted this. She never wanted this. She had done everything she could. Left her passion, her enthusiasm. She became docile. She never was before. She had desired this union from all her heart. It had become one of her dreams.
But now everything was shattered. Her dreams lay broken. Her feet bruised by the broken pieces lying around. How could her relation fall apart? She had put her everything into it. And now she stood nowhere. She could not understand. She was at the cross roads of chaos. She had nowhere to go, no way to choose.
She recalled how they had been happy. How she had found new meaning to her life when he arrived. She remembered everything-even from the very first day and beyond. They had been so close. Like one soul two bodies.
Then why could this not last? Why was this relation doomed? Why did they fall apart? At the verge of estrangement? There had been mistakes by both. But they should have buried the past. Instead, they kept exhuming the graves. The scars were inevitable. The wounds would never heal.
Instead of facing the situation, they fled. Avoiding confrontation. They should have talked about problems and emotions. They never did. They acted fine even when not. Feign. Were they insecure of each other? Afraid that other might spill the beans in front of someone else? Distrust.
They could not forgive each other. Weak. They could not ask for forgiveness. Egoistic. They had brought their relation to this point. Estrangement seemed normal.
She could not forget him though. Addicted. She could not put up with the pain at times. She broke up everyday. And realising he was gone, had pulled herself up again. She had to be brave. She had to go on. Live alone.
Sigh! She deboards the train. Joins her new workplace. Away from him. Regrets.
“I have been turned to a monster used to scar 3 year olds.”
That was what an African student in India summarized his experience here as.
A monster A monster I have turned into a monster…..
“Look at that weird looking black person. If you don’t oblige, he is going to take you away. Do you understand?” What kind of scaring is that? That is the sowing of seeds which would yield racism and casteism tomorrow. The fear of certain people in society.
But what had triggered it all? Just being from another part of the planet does not mean they are worth nothing! Someone said, “Beauty is but a skin layer deep” and still people around were so cautious about the colour of their skin. As if being black was a curse, a blunder that they had done. Mistaken. They valued skin colour as if it defined characteristics and values of a person. As if a fair person would always be right and is thus cherished. A black is seen as a criminal, untouchable. And why? Probably no one knew answer to this question. Nobody dared ask this. Certain customs and traditions are to be followed blindly, not asking why or what. But what should it be called? Classical conditioning? Faith? Trust? Or plain lack of sense?
Everyone around seemed so proud that they did not differentiate between people on the basis of caste and all. Liking pages and joining online social groups for this cause. Typing their disgust at those who did so. And yet, when it came to them in the reality, they were no different. They did the same, just a bit differently. So what reason did they have to be proud of themselves? Was writing a post on internet enough to safeguard the rights of those affected? Did this rid them of their responsibilities towards ensuring equality?
Reality was far far from the internet. Though the posts would make an impression that people are very friendly and receptive, the reality seems hidden. Only once you land in this land can you see the masks falling. Only when you interact will you know that people have been feigning. Fooled. Society wore a mask. The farther you are, the brighter the smile. And as you reach near, only then can you see the frowning faces. Disgust filled in eyes. As if they had been asked to deal with the lowest of jobs in world!
And why? That was a billion dollar question no one ever attempted to solve! They asked about NGO’s that would work towards removing this inequality. But when it came to them? “What difference could I possibly make?” Hah! Whom were they trying to fool? The world or themselves. Probably their own selves. Cause the world already knew the reality. World could not be fooled for long. And the impressions were long lasting. Changing perspectives of everyone.
All the good images were a hoax. The reality was revealed. The truth lay naked and people ashamed!
Everyone looked down upon them. All they could get was pity. But did they really deserve pity? Could they, in some other perspective be better than us? Was there something more to their life that we could not see? Or were we unable to comprehend their life?
All we could see was their poverty, the physical labour they did, the injuries they suffered, their slit hands, bare feet. But had they been well off who would have done these jobs? Who would come to clean our rooms and cook in our homes? They were the base of a social pyramid we all occupy at different levels. Without them, their help where could we be? Probably doing what they do. How could a building stand without a base?
The other side, I assume, is spiritual. Since they do not own a thing they shall not be asked. They do not have questions waiting for them. They would not be asked for any log. Or what they did to the resources provided. All they have is barely sufficient to meet their needs. Nobody is asked about things they require for survival. Further they probably never sin. Maybe they never find time to. They are so busy earning their bread that right and wrong has no significance. Probably it did not exist for them. Maybe they were too humble to harm someone. Or maybe their sufferings nullified it. How else can they be so pure at heart? Why else would God hear from them and not from us?
Many times God did not hear/respond to even them. Maybe he wanted to test their loyalty, “Would they change their God if I don’t respond?” “Would they whine for all this suffering? This pain?” Maybe God wanted them to be stronger. They still have so much to go through. They had so much more to endure.
But in other school of thought, did God not love them? Probably more than us. Why else shall He clean them of their sins even before they repent? Why else shall God be so generous to them? Why else would He care so much? Why shall He provide resources otherwise?
Though they suffer here, they shall have pleasure in paradise! They shall have all we enjoyed here.
Pity was not for their suffering. It was for us. We had eyes for their pain but no hands to help.
In the cheer of her voice
Laid hidden distress of her voice
In her chirpy bubbly nature
Laid hidden someone mature
In her happy carefree ways
Laid hidden some tearful days
In her outreaching helpful ways
Laid the longing to be cared for!
But none could understand her maturity
None to bother-her destiny
None to understand her reasons- why
None tried to get her anyway!
Perceptions and assumptions are not always true. There is always another side. There is always something more than what meets the eye, more than what the brain assumes.
An effort from a side does not mean it always reaches the other side. And if it does not, your responsibility is not over. Network noises occur everywhere, even when together. Messing up further is no solution. Unless the packets are received tamper proof, transmission should continue.
Where are you now?
Don’t I need your advise?
Can’t you hear my mourns
My need to find back myself?
Why could you not be here
Aiding me seal my wounds
Why don’t you even answer?
Even you turned insensitive?
Never did God reply back in words
Despite being witness to all
His answers could not be heard
Just invokes a feeling in heart.
Silently said, be patient
I have planned better ahead.
I knew: I was breathing my last!
So, I wanted to soak in all, I had;
I had loved to caress,
Everyone, before I leave.
It was something
And. I could see it, in their eyes –
The dread — I may be lost!
Ah! I may never recover.
I knew: they would cry;
Scream my name,
But, who could borrow time?
Did death ever spare someone?
And, I feel the heartbreak (thud!)
A set off –
The way my memories would haunt.
Maybe, the tears would never cease
And, the pain may be endless.
But I could do nothing –
I was bound to leave.
Oh, I missed you, mother!
The dear one, who loved, like none
She, a heartbroken!
I share, her woe
And. I couldn’t survive enough
(To see the love of my life)
But I caressed you, my brother!
Love her, fill my vacuum.
I leave you here,
But, don’t well up
Over my void
As: I ain’t a fading figure,
Only—yours: unfading pulse!