A Curse

Random thoughts spilling over. Something was flooding the brain. Maybe situations, maybe thoughts, or maybe nothing at all. But now it needed rest else everything would be ruined. In real life we do not have an elder wand to remove thoughts from our brain and put them into a bowl of other intruding thoughts. But the need is often felt. The need to put everything to sleep and not let them bother you until you are ready. Life is not this simple though. Life comes complicated and certainly not approving any such hacks. Running in brain were a thousand things ranging from studies to future insecurities. Every thought equally intimidating. Sucking out all kinds of happiness and putting up an emergency siren. As if everything was going to happen now and something needed to be done to handle all this. Worry. Stress. But nothing works like this. Being on the toes for events which are not happening anytime in near future. Ruining the present in all this chaos. But this soul did not bulge under pressure. Standing up and doing all she could to put this siren off. To make her surging adrenaline levels calm down. Working day and night just to make sure everything is perfect and in the desired manner. In this process she make a perfect looking future. That perfect future she always yearned for! This is what we expect after working hard after all. But then do mirrors or impressions reflect everything? Not always! In those mirrors she did see herself a success but she forgot to look into details. She could not see anything beyond her image. Maybe because there was nothing. Then she could not comprehend. Now she could relate. She stood on that successful place but all alone. Not even a single soul to share her joy with. She thought of all other folks. Where did they all go? When did she become this alone? No answers. While working for this golden era she knew what she was doing, where she was going. But now she seemed to be lost, confused, This is not what she had imagined it to be. She wanted success but not without friends. It baffled her! She had no answers. Words started echoing in her ears. Someone had said, “Your ways are wrong. Your methods are wrong. Mend them you still have time.” But she did not see anything wrong with her actions or methods. Probably people were being jealous of her. They did not want her to prosper. Hence such comments. She had never doubted her abilities. Neither did she need to. Benefits of being popular, confidant and praised. But some people still seemed to have problems with her. Calling her names, blah blah! She never put her nose into all that. It did not matter to her. But those words did not come from an ultimate stranger who did not matter. They were the words of her best friend, her confidant. Maybe her friend had foreseen what she could not. Maybe she was awakening her to the obvious disasters. But she never paid any heed. In a fit of anger she had said, “You will cry your heart out one day, but no one will be there to lend you a shoulder.” Now, after all these years, these words kept revolving in her head. Creating dreadful whirls. Loops of thoughts she could not break. One time regretting her decisions, another time consoling. To put up, she ceased all kinds of communication to the outer world. Break. Disconnecting from people and surroundings helps a lot to regain one’s confidence. Even this proved to be one of the worst decisions of her life. She could no more see beyond. Not even her own self. Trying hard, she started working frantically. But it backfired. She felt more frustrated. She could feel things going out of her hands. Like nothing could be done to save the situation. She tried everything that could help, but nothing really did. No one did. She was tired of all the hard work she had done all her life. She was tired of managing huge amounts of stress. She was too tired to get out of bed and do something. All she did now was to wait for the nurse to fetch her medicines and feed her. Looking over the fields from that hospital window, she kept murmuring. “I don’t want to cry blood. Don’t curse me with this.”

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